Pan Post 155
Pan Post 155 follows the gods upon Mount Olympus where Nick, the God of Jam Doughnuts, is trying to convince the gods to help battle the Ever-ending Plot that threatens the Earth. Hermes Trismegistus asserts that the NeSiverse would continue on quite well without the Earth while Bacchus explains that the humans will save the day like they always do. Athena then arrives with new ideas for her arena to outdo Ares. She wants to build a space colosseum with epic space battles but her second idea proves to be more popular - celebrity death matches where famous people beat each other to death. Before Nick can chide Hermes for allowing the gods to do this, Hermes is gone and in his place is a dog. The dog is actually Apollo trying to be an animal again. Post The Gods' Priorities Up on Mount Olympus, the gods are ignoring the apparent invasion of Earth by the Ever-ending Plot because, frankly speaking, they just don't care. Nick: "But Earth is the centre of the NeSiverse!!" This is responded to with a lot of eye-rolling from other gods and a mighty belch from Bacchus. Hermes Trismegistus: "Earth is, indeed, a very important place for all things in the NeSiverse, young God of Jam-Doughnuts--" Nick: "You can just call me Nick, you know?" Hermes Trismegistus: "It would be replaced. The NeSiverse, indeed any universe, is cold an uncaring and will move on. Earth dies, then another world would take its place. It would be a tragic loss, but the universe can carry on without it if need be." Nick: "But why just let it be consumed then? Why not help!?" Bacchus: "Little dude, if the gods helped the Earth every time it was going to be consumed or destroyed, we'd be at it every damned day. The world's always in danger. The humans have got it covered. They'll save the day. They always do." Bacchus is overweight and wearing what looks like a bathrobe. He has a scruffy beard that is less of a fashion statement and more pure laziness. He lifts his sunglasses and winks at Nick. Nick: "Don't call me little. You know I'm your great-uncle right?" Bacchus: "Uh..." Nick: "Your grandmother is the daughter of my father. So that makes me--" Bacchus reels and makes a face like a great stink had wafted into the air. Bacchus: "Dude, if you start trying to understand the family tree of the gods, you're going to find out everyone is someone's uncle's brother or sister. It's a dark, dark void you don't wanna go down." He gives Nick a firm slap on the shoulder as he walks away, swigging his margarita complete with a little umbrella. Nick looks dejected. Nick: "So what should we do?" Hermes Trismegistus: "You should probably try doing your job." Nick: "... sending jam-doughnuts everywhere?" Hermes Trismegistus: "We all have our responsibilities. Look at Bacchus. He takes his role very seriously." Nick glances at Bacchus, who is now peeing into a plant pot. Athena suddenly bursts into the godly room (by godly I mean it's filled with annoying clouds and annoying harp music that every god has tried to find the source of ((in an attempt to strangle the harpist)) but has never successfully found). Athena: "I have it!" Nick: "Have want, aunt Athena?" Athena: "I know how to finally be better than Ares!" Nick: "You are better!" Athena: "I mean more successful." She then looks at him chidingly. Athena: "And you should really be more respectful to your father." Hermes Trismegistus: "He wasn't criticising his father, he was complimenting you very highly." Nick looks sheepishly at Hermes. Nick: "Uh.... like he said." Athena: "So! My newest arena idea!" Hermes Trismegistus: "Not again. My dear--" Athena: "It's going to be in space! A Space Colosseum!!! And instead of gladiator battles, there'll be pitched battles between great empires! It'll be awesome!!" Nick: "I hope there's no explosions this time..." Athena looks at Nick as though he said something very strange. Athena: "... people like explosions!!" Nick: "Not when you blow up the audience..." Athena: "Oh. You think so? I didn't get any negative feedback the last time..." Nick: "Because they were all dead." Athena: "Huh. Maybe. Okay fine. I'll just hit the colosseum with a lot of meteors or something. That'll go boom enough." Nick: "How will you fit armies into one colosseum?" Athena: "It's a SPACE colosseum!!" She pouts her lips when Nick just frowns at her. Athena: "Okay, fine, I don't know yet. But I'll figure it out! It's the idea that's the thing! Start with the idea and see where it takes you." Nick: "Probably to a colosseum filled with a lot of confused soldiers that keep falling out. Like one of those clown cars." Athena: "Well, my other idea was this reality show where we make human celebrities beat each other to death with sticks. It wouldn't be as good as Ares' Colosseum though..." Nick: "Celebrities like who?" Athena: "I don't know. Paris HiltonParis Hilton article, Wikipedia. versus Kim KardashianKim Kardashian article, Wikipedia.?" Athena is suddenly surrounded by a lot of very eager gods waving money at her. Bacchus: "I wanna see Justin Beiber beaten to death with sticks!" Hades: "I want to see that Cash me OutsideDanielle Bregoli article, Wikipedia. girl beaten with sticks until her head falls off!" Thor: "I want to see Spencer PrattSpencer Pratt article, Wikipedia. beaten with sticks until his eyes explode!!" Ishtar: "I want to see someone beaten to death with a big fish!" The gods go silent and look at Ishtar. She shrugs. Bacchus: "Beat Beiber with the fish!!" The gods then continue to choose the most awful celebrities they want beaten with fish while Athena hungrily jots them down. Nick looks at Hermes with a very low frown. Nick: "So this is what gods should be doing instead of saving the Earth?" Hermes, however, has fled the all-too-expected question and gone off back to his underwater domain. In his place is a little dog that looks up at Nick. Nick: "Uh... how did you get up here?" Dog: "Squeak! Squeak!!" Nick: "Did... you just say squeak? You know dogs don't squeak, right?" Dog (Suspiciously Apollo-esque): "Oh. How about baa? Baaaaaaaa!" The dog looks puzzled for a moment. Dog (Suspiciously Apollo-esque): "Wait, I'm a dog? I thought I was a pheasant!" References External References Category:Post Category:Pan Post